Another nugget of wisdom for you all

Another nugget of wisdom for you all

I have discovered a comedy gem:

* Tear off a tiny piece of paper and roll it up into a little ball that can fit between your thumb and forefinger.
* Holding said ball, pretend to pick your nose with your fingers, hiding the ball near your nostril.
* Stare at someone in the room, and when they eventually look at you, gesture the motion of picking a big ‘ol booger out and throw the little ball at them.

This has particular effect if done while recording a radio show. Comedy. 😀

Borderline blow-back

Borderline blow-back

When working with people, clarity of service is always important. The minute you start stretching the limits of service, mistrust sets in and cynicism takes hold. If you engage in clear, honest and transparent processes and offers, the people you are talking to you are far more likely to work with you. Transparency is not an option, its a requirement.

This was highlighted in my own mind yesterday when I went for consultation at a gym. I am looking to work out to tone up and improve my drumming performance and speed, so I went to a rather classy gym to discuss how they can help me. With it the equipment is well maintained, I get some regular personal training sessions to help meet my goals, and the entire place is that little bit more sophisticated than most gyms. As such, the membership weighs in at around £70/month – a pretty hunky chunk of wonga. This is fine in my mind though – they provide a premium service, and they charge premium rates. I have no problem paying more money for quality, but I demand that quality in return, and expect nothing less.

What did irk me though was two other fees:

* £90 ‘joining fee’
* £15 ‘administration fee’

I asked the fella who was giving me the sales routine what the purpose of the two fees were. He assured me the joining fee was because it is a members only club, and it secures a particular quality of clientele that ensures the club is members-only. Beard. Beard 2.0. The approx £70/month membership fee irrespective of this £90 will secure a particular quality of clientele and the organisation have *already* decreed it to be a members-only club, hence the elevated monthly price-tag. Regarding the administration fee, I queried how writing my details on a plastic membership card possibly warranted £15 of my hard earned cash. Apparently the administration process involves the membership card and registering me on their systems, hence the fee. Beard-a-mongus.

These two fees are nothing more than methods of squeezing more cash out of the punter – they are money-making devices to grab that extra bit of cash from a customer after they have decided to sign up. Up until these fees were mentioned I could mostly justify the higher monthly fee in my mind, but these two extra fees muddied the situation. The crazy thing is that the club clearly raises the monthly fee to only attract a certain demographic of people, and with this extra money that is raised you would expect that they could cover the costs of entering me into a computer without having to make me pay extra for the privilege.

The moral of this story is that people on the other side of the deal-making table make expectations, and by and large, these are reasonable expectations. When these expectations are compromised and it appears that you are spinning them a line, it can harm your community or business. What is worse than adding on these hidden extras is the rather feeble attempt at justifying them. The chap I spoke to was a nice guy, and did a great job at selling the place, but I think *he* even struggled in justifying these insane additional fees. And I don’t blame him. There *is no* justification.

Much of this hails back to effective usability, and this usability does apply to documentation and legislature in addition to devices, cars, televisions and lawn mowers. Small print, hidden extras, additional charges, hidden restrictions and other similar constructs are rarely put clearly in view – they are deliberately obfuscated so you don’t stop and think too hard about them. Elsewhere in the industry, usability plays a part in highlighting issues and problems so that they can be fixed, yet in the contact documentation world these things are merely included to cover the backs of the companies involved.

So, when building your community teams, always ensure the expectations and processes are (a) sane, and (b) clear. This will stop your users having the same kind of blow-back I got yesterday at the gym.

LoCo Docs Day a Success

LoCo Docs Day a Success

Congratulations to the incredible [Ubuntu LoCo Community](https://wiki.ubuntu.com/LoCoTeams) for an excellent [LoCo Docs Day](https://wiki.ubuntu.com/LoCoDocsDay) on March 3rd. A number of documents were refined and improved on the day, including:

* LoCoDocsDay
* Lo Co Creating Forum
* Lo Co Working With Other Groups
* Lo Co Running Installfests
* LoCoReview
* LoCoTeamHowto
* Lo Co Team Docs To Do
* LoCoFAQ
* LoCoTeamMeeting
* Lo Co Creating Website
* Lo Co Computer Fair Howto
* Lo Co Team Knowledge Base
* LoCoTeams
* USTeams/Team List
* LoCoTeamList

In addition to this, a large number of teams improved the documentation on their own wiki sites. A great day, and thanks to everyone who took part. You have really made the Ubuntu project that little bit cooler. 🙂

I am particularly impressed with the work being done by the [US Teams Project](https://wiki.ubuntu.com/USTeams). These folks are working to help grow and improve the spread of Ubuntu LoCo teams in the US. When I gave a presentation at the Allhands conference (the Canonical company conference where we get all employees together) back in November, I threw up a map that Melissa Draper did for the LoCo project that identified where teams were located in the world. Interestingly the two dry areas where there were few teams was the US and Africa. With this in mind, it is great to see the US Teams Project kicking arse and taking names. I would love to see a group of similarly enthusiastic LoCo contributors create an Africa Teams Project to help that region, although this will be a much tougher challenge due to the geography, politics and technological advancement in parts of the region.

I am so proud of everyone in the Ubuntu LoCo Community – everyone is making phenomenal progress, and I can’t wait to see just how far we can take the project. The sky really is the limit. 🙂

Charity Mate

Charity Mate

Yes! We hit the £1000 mark for the [Big Red Recording](https://www.recreantview.org/blog/?page_id=96)!! Thanks to everyone who has donated so far. Now, lets see if we can hit *£2000* – there are still 26 days until the recording begins, so plenty of time to [DONATE](https://www.myrednoseday.com/thebigredrecording)!

In other charity news, Paul Cooper has put a [jacket of mine on Ebay for charity](https://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=110098492284). Nutter. I actually left this jacket by mistake at OpenAdvantage when I left to join Canonical. Its a really nice jacket too. Anyway, all proceeds again go to [Comic Relief](https://www.comicrelief.com/), so get bidding.

So close

So close

Eighty. English. Pounds. That is all that is needed to hit the £1000 mark for [The Big Red Recording](https://www.recreantview.org/blog/?page_id=96). Come on folks, let hit it within a week of the announcement. You international types are also welcome to donate. 🙂

[DONATE!](https://www.myrednoseday.com/thebigredrecording)

For more details about where the money goes, and which good causes it supports, see [this page](https://www.comicrelief.com/cash-in-action/).

Mobile, gone, idiot, me

Mobile, gone, idiot, me

That’s right folks, its that time of the year – I have lost my mobile phone *again*. I know, I know, I am an idiot, this is clear. If you have my phone number, please text me with your name so when it is working fully, I can add you to my phone book. Oh, and before anyone asks, yes I know you can back up phone numbers, but I didn’t. 😛

Sorry about the inconvenience, normal service will be resumed soon.

Oh, and for the mobile phone geeks, I got a [Nokia N73](https://www.nseries.com/index.html).

Another nugget of wisdom for you all

Clarifying the Turkey cancellation

I just want to clarify that the reason I cannot make the Turkey trip not because of anything minor, but a health related issue that prevents me from traveling. I don’t particularly want to go into details, but rest assured I have done everything I can to try and get around this issue. I am really sorry for anyone who was planning to come and see me speak – it really is unavoidable.

Update-tastic

Update-tastic

OK, I have a few things to cover in this blog post, so hang tight.

* *Dammit, that sucks* – Unfortunately I have had to cancel my appearance at the Free Software and Open Source Days 2007 event in Turkey. I wish I could attend the event but alas, circumstances mean that I can’t. Apologies to anyone this may have affected.
* *But, wow, this doesn’t* – Wow, the [Big Red Recording](https://archivedblog.jonobacon.com/?p=907) has already raised a whopping **£776.00** in just *two*, yep, that’s **two** days. Only another couple of hundred quid and we will hit the £1000 mark. Thanks to *everyone* who has donated, I am so grateful to everyone for chipping in. And for you ‘orrible lot who haven’t yet donated, [DONATE RIGHT NOW](https://www.myrednoseday.com/thebigredrecording) and lets just see how much money we can raise for such a good cause. 🙂
* *I am an artist don’t you know…* – I have started writing music for The Big Red Recording, and I have four songs on the go at the moment. My mission statement for this album is to “*tap into the full range of human emotions*” – expect happy, sad, aggressive, sensitive and other emotions thundering through with the songs. I am really excited about the material that is coming together. As ever, this will be blogged about over at [Recreant View](https://www.recreantview.org/),so keep your eyeballs over there for updates.
* *The single greatest event ever to happen* – We have had some incredible [LUGRadio Live 2007](https://www.lugradio.org/live/2007/) paper submissions, and this years event is shaping up to be pretty incredible. We are still very keen for more paper submissions though, so [see this page](https://www.lugradio.org/live/2007/index.php/Call_For_Papers) and get them in! We want a diverse and interesting range of talks, so everyone should submit something. Try and get your submissions in over the next few weeks. 🙂

Right, thats it. 🙂

LoCo Docs Day a Success

The Big Red Recording

Well, on Friday 30th and Saturday 31st March 2007, I will be doing my bit for [Comic Relief](https://www.comicrelief.com/) and charity – the **Big Red Recording**!

I am going to record an entire album, that is, writing, performing and recording all instruments, all by myself, in one 24-hour session.

None of the songs are written yet. I have one month to get my material together, which in itself is one helluva task, but at 7pm on Friday 30th March I will enter my home studio with seven songs in my head, and come out on Saturday 31st March at 7pm with seven fully recorded songs burned to a CD and available online under the same Creative Commons license as the rest of my music on [Recreant View](https://www.recreantview.org/).

The marathon recording session will involve me micing, prepping and recording myself playing acoustic and electric guitars, bass, drums, vocals, and also involve me editing, mixing and mastering the entire record. In addition to this, Emelye will be joining me for the entire session and playing Cello and performing backing vocals on some of the songs. It is going to be tight on timing to get the whole lot done in 24 hours, but I am determined to pull it off.

From now until the big day I will be regularly reporting progress on writing over at [Recreant View](https://www.recreantview.org/) and on the big day I will be regularly blogging and posting photos of the session. I am also hoping to have a documentary of the experience. What more could you want – seven Creative Commons songs and a stack of cash for charity? Well, maybe an Audi TT, but this is good enough I would say. 🙂

**SPONSOR!** To make this worthwhile, I need YOUR money. Well, *I* don’t need your cash, but the people I am doing this for do, so [click here to sponsor me](https://www.myrednoseday.com/thebigredrecording). I want to raise £1000 so get your arses in gear and sponsor me! **SPONSOR!**

[GO AND DONATE!!!](https://www.myrednoseday.com/thebigredrecording)

*Thanks to tigert for the image*

Lies, lies and more lies

Lies, lies and more lies

You know what, I hate cough medicine. Not the taste, no. Well, *yes* actually, it tastes like ground up donkey balls, but it is more the *promise* of cough medicine that irks me. Last week I had a rather nasty cough. It was contracted in Los Angeles, transported to Ireland where I tried to cure it with late nights and drinking, but alas on my welcome return to blighty the black lung was still there. Normally I sit these things out, but life is more hectic than it used to, so I resorted to a chemist, a fiver and a shelf full of potions. I chose what looked like the most likely substance to fix said lung butter and returned to my abode where I chucked the filthy recipe down my throat. I repeated every four hours like the lies on the side the packet indicated.

What happened? Bugger all, thats what happened. It had no effect whatsoever. Instead, I took my already weakened state of health and augmented it with a regular dose of disgusting tasting, viscous, repugnant, vomit inducing liquid. Where in the name of all that is sweet and good do these companies get off selling such junk? I may as well try one of those old-wives tales solutions to such problems where you sprinkle bicarbonate of soda on your chest, bite a lemon and stand on one leg – I am sure it would be *as* predictable and *as* effective. What a load of old bollocks. I demand compensation for the mental trauma involved in gulping that disgusting stuff down in the hope of making the involuntary voluntary again.

Oh, and thanks to a kind email pointing out an image, it turns out that the trip to LA not only gave me the black lung, but the Open Source paparazzi snapped this beacon of glory:

Thats right, if my dad was Brian May, I would have turned out like that. Sorry ladies for shattering the normally handsome, manly, hunky image. Normal service will be resumed soon. If you looking for someone to blame, blame Meryl:

You can contact her at this address: *Meryl, Los Angeles, America*.

The shot was snapped during a pictionary competition at SCALE, which was rather amusing and run by the aforementioned Meryl. She has turned mockery into a fine art. Rest assured my vengeance will be sweet when I return to SCALE next year.

Despite such depravity I do have good news to report. My good friends in the [Ubuntu Loco Community](https://wiki.ubuntu.com/LoCoTeams) are running a Loco Docs Day on March 3rd. This is where all the juicy best practise documentation will be refined, improved and otherwise made to feel rather good and spanky. The LoCo project is growing immensely and the community is doing an incredible job. I am so proud of them all. So, get along and be a part of the LoCo docs day. 🙂